What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 01:00
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What is your twin flame story?
Who then, do I blame.?
She loved him until the end.
And i lived it daily.
DOOM: The Dark Ages | Update 1 Release Notes - Slayers Club
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was 9 years of age.
FDA grants limited approval to new Covid vaccine from Moderna - NBC News
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
King Charles praised for 'faultless' firing technique at Larkhill - BBC
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
Summer rentals in the Hamptons are down 30% - CNBC
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Overthinking is killing me day-by-day. What should I do?
She wouldn,t have been !
Would this be the day?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What are some hard truths that MAGA needs to hear?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The two rules investors need to follow right now as the S&P 500 eyes a return to 6,000 - MarketWatch
I was seconnd youngest,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My life is so biszare .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why did i forgive my father ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So whats the point in blame.
Im still living with it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He knew the spot.
We all went to grammer schools
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So, i spoilt her more .
I never cut or harmed myself..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Comes on , in middle age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I write beautiful poetry .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
When she asked me how she looked .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We were not on the streets..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It was going to be , some day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was scared of men, in general
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
All the time i was locked up.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I will be 64.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Ive learnt so much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I have no regrets .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But, we were locked up after school.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was very sick at this time too.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I think the readers, may guess!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it wasn’t much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I said to her
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I waited trembling.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What did i know ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I don,t even have a pension.
She married twice! .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life